8 posts tagged “spirituality”
Here's a small art post for the weekend. I'm working on an idea that involves a character from another original painting I did some months ago. The below is more of a study. I'll be experimenting with palettes and balance and doing more study paintings. Then I'd like to do a larger final painting. It involves the themes of human evolution, spirit and motherhood/childhood.
"The beginning". Approx 16"x10", watercolor, ink and pastel:
Sketches and layers:
I wish you all a wonderful weekend with your family and friends.
"Amidst". Watercolor, ink and pastel, approx. 12"x18":
The thought behind this painting is partly from the last post. We gather up what we remember from our pasts and there our minds wander, watching ourselves second-hand. We live in the present, in this experience right now. So alien, so familiar... all at the same time.
In so many ways, life can be a fumbling around kind of thing. I think it is this way most of the time. More specifically, every facet of life is about learning and here I am in the crux of it - parenting, marriage, personal growth, spirituality, body starting to show signs of age - and in my later thirties, not feeling any closer to the answers. In fact, I think that there really aren't many answers and that in and of itself is a strangely comforting finality. There was a spiritual road I took for most of my life which asserted there were lots of answers and lots of truths and lots of things I should be and wasn't yet. I bailed out of that, realizing there could only be just a few truths, if there were going to be any at all and I certainly would never be even close to attaining its kind of ideals. And I didn't want to anymore. It was hard to realize and admit that the system was a closed one. It was a system which created its own problems that could only be solved by its own answers. One day I realized I quite stood outside of that system. I awoke and didn't feel so bad anymore. God loved me.
Tonight, I stood in my shoebox-sized studio and looked around. I saw many paintings which had failed my ideals. I started to feel very overwhelmed and the thought occurred to me that I might be attempting silly things. Perhaps my ventures might be for another time or maybe not at all. But something clicked, or rather, snapped. I smiled and realized I am attempting to learn a lot of things. I am learning. I am learning to work with three mediums - watercolor, pastel and ink - all at the same time. I am learning to be myself at the same time that I am a wife, mother. This is something that women, that I, don't alway care enough about and I have sometimes told myself to martyr who I am and put my independence away for later. That notion doesn't feel right and deep inside I know how important it is to be a full human, to eek out the bits of time to do this. Tonight, I pushed away some old ghosts of a spiritual past and it felt good to rethink the failures and understand what they really are - precious moments of existence.
what are we inherently? good... evil...
i would like to say good. but science rules me out. we are...
human. entirely and utterly human down to the smallest part. every single cell. but before i am categorized as an atheist (which is tempting at times), i think science and spirit spiral together, forming a curious web which is the stuff of humans. for now, that is where this rabbit trail ends.
here are two latest works in progress.
and here is "Fire", now complete. for now, i think it is my favorite. but, i reserve the right to... oh, never mind.
a fond thank you goes out to those of you who continue to follow my progression of learning and creativity. all of your comments are extremely generous and kind.
for the fourth time i will attempt to post my revolutions for 2008. it seems i keep writing, then reflect back and find what i've said to be vague or even worse, trite. though that is not at all what i mean to convey. i guess i'm over-thinking my words. so here goes again...
2008:
1. listen to the inner voice that reveals God to me. don't be discouraged by outside forces.
2. along with that, enjoy and focus on the religious liberation discovered at the end of 2007 - there is no church or set of dogmas that can override the true beauty of realizing the creator's love in even the very smallest part of my ever day life.
3. find new ways to convey love to my husband. this is a new chapter of life: married with children. don't forget that we are "we" still.
4. be transparent to my children and open to what we have to teach each other.
5. figure out what i desire to do artistically and follow those paths wherever they may lead: music, painting, drawing, writing, photography, journaling, sculpture. i've gotten away from these areas due to major life changes, becoming a new mom....
6. people are the image of God; find beauty and love in people, not negativity and distrust. always an ongoing work for me.
7. allow this new house to be more of an expression of who we are as a family. it takes a while for me to settle into a new house.
8. get better at snail-mail communication. i renew this resolution every year. alas.
9. continue to investigate the philosophy of existentialism
10. keep off the weight and tighten up!
11. find important ways i can personally be involved in causes which make the world a better place, both locally and globally. make sure these are places where my family can feel just as invested. another reason for this - i want to be sure both children grow up with a big world-view. my husband and i are considering PLAN USA for sponsoring a child. i'm always open to suggestions from you who consider this a part of your family life; i'd love to know what you do. in a couple of years, we hope to be able to travel internationally with the children. i think it's so important to for children to see more than their own back yard if that is an option.
so there they are. already this year, i feel excitement about new things happening. i love new beginnings.
here i am. back again after some serious lollygagging around the house with fam. we had a wonderful christmas-time, the four of us. we didn't lug the kids from house to house... but rather, opted to stay planted in our home for the holiday. we ate lots of russian tea cakes, cookie bars, sweet and sour meatballs, floutas and home-made salsa. folks popped in and out, well-wishing and bringing gifts. jas has been charging around in his knight costume and summarily poking us in our hineys when we least expect it. lucas is entranced by the bells and whistles all these new toys contain. the hubby and i have enjoyed shiraz and some wonderful new games he purchased online: lost cities and san juan. it's a great addition to our growing collection. ticket to ride and carcassone were getting a little over-played. it's been downright lazy and goofy around here. i can't think of any other way i would have like this holiday-season to be.
well, erm, except perhaps without the slight hitch... the day after christmas our hot water pipe froze, so my DH spent hours lugging fans, boiling water, heaters and tools up into our attic. however, our worst fear was abated and there was no flooding. no bursting. no "ack!! we have to live at the family cabin again!" (see older posts). the hubby saved the day - he and his amazingly large brain and big, strong biceps.
lastly, it has been a great season to ponder about Christ, divinity and God. the spiritual journey we embark upon as a family keeps me curious; questions of spirituality weave their way into many late-night conversations. i wonder what this next year will teach us about our Father, about each other, about love. beliefs are a tricky thing, as a close family told me, because a person might "be leaving" wisdom and love behind in exchange for becoming staunch and absolute. i foresee many a blog-post written on this very subject.
but, for now, i've gotta scram. my cup of coffee needs a warm-up.
i was intrigued by a discussion with one of my wonderful mommy friends. we were talking about what things we like to include in our days to make them meaningful for our children. she referred me to a blog in which a mother includes her "rule of 6". instead of restating it, it can be found at typepad or here. (i do not want to plagiarize, so if you are interested just follow the links.) this has given me wonderful food for thought. while i don't think we should over-plan our days as moms (thus missing the existential point of things), it is important to we not forget to offer up lots of love, creative learning opportunities and beautiful moments to explore with our children.
this is my seven, for now. i don't always get them all in as they are more like goals:
1. love
2. spiritual time to focus on God
3. independent/cooperative playtime
4. art of any medium
5. one of the three R's (reading, writing, arithmetic)
6. getting in touch with nature
7. exercise
i mentioned before that some days are planned and some just organize themselves. and yet again, some days are kind of a wash and i resign myself to allow for more boob-tube than usual. but, conversations like the one with my friend spur me on and rejuvenate. thanks, friend.
lastly, in the same spirit i wrote the last blog, i am inviting you to share your daily goals for your children, or "rules of 6" you might have.
on an altogether other note in life,
i have lost my religion.
it is difficult and bittersweet to be raised one way, and then choose another path. because that leaves the child-inside-the-adult feeling religiously homeless. and i feel that way some days. the justifications surface. my heart travels back to pentecostal baptisms, hell-fire-and-brimstone sermons, watching an old woman "dance in the spirit". it was real to me then, and it is part of the fabric of me now.
but most days i feel refreshingly free as i carve a new path. i see the world through different eyes and it looks even more beautiful. pragmatism and science have taken up residence in the place once only inhabited by blind faith. lightning bolts have not struck me dead yet for believing in evolution or denying the existence of hell. tho, there is room for much humility in realizing the creative hand which guided this planet to evolve over billions of years and believing we are, every one of us, God's children.
and i don't feel abandoned by God. i would have thought it so, were i to still adhere to my childhood faith. losing my salvation and all that bunk.... instead, i feel closer to God in the humility of realizing that who i am was an incredible billion-year process. there is a space for science and spirituality to coexist.
the ghosts here are mostly friendly, only whispering my memories and gently chiding me for something i can never believe again.
