11 posts tagged “love”
I've been in a whirlwind of activity the last two weeks. Things are not slowing down! It's an exciting time of life as my two little boys literally buzz around my feet, creating an imaginary world that didn't exist before they were here. Becoming a mother has these magical moments that can make you cry just because it is so sweet. Amidst it all there is is cooking, art, laundry, piano, toys everyyyyyyyywhere and as ever, dancing in the kitchen. This is a very happy chaos. I am happy to stay here, right here in these moments.
Painting is like "write what you know", the advice your professor gave you in college. That is what makes painting so wonderful, that it is not at all seperate from life. Like good cooking or sewing or the many other creative things we all do, it all comes from the heart and the spectrum of emotion this life brings.
I want to say a public thank you to Drawn, for featuring my artwork today:
Within the same pages of Drawn, you will find an incredible talent, Samuel Ribeyron, who resides in France, creating with his paintings what I can only describe as a world I would love to inhabit. Treat yourself and take a peek at his latest works. Delightful!
Open the door to my make-shift studio, don't trip over the toys... here's what I'm working on:
New painting, "Stay", watercolor with ink and pastel, 9 7/8" x 14 1/2".
And other stuff....
And one more thing...
Have a wonderful day and enjoy the ones you love.
Today, my feathers are ruffled and I feel a bit on edge because the same old topic, my old ghosts, continue to wrack me. Making psychological, sociologically and religious shifts in life's paradigm does not come without uprooting the foundation entirely. My mental house creeks. There was rot and mold that had to be ousted. There were roots which had entwined the pipes of this organism and I hacked them away. I speak in metaphor because speaking literally hurts my mouth (pride?), then later, the people who've always known me. But, inveriably, I'll write more and more till it trickles out of me. I've written this a million times, and erased it, clicked delete. So, I say this the best way I can. Now it has been years since I've moved away from a conservative and religiously closed-off life and I continue to find areas of detritus I have to shake loose. I've seen too much and done too much to know, we aren't evil. We're not born bad. We all make our choices. There is no one who has the one simple truth. There are billions and billions of years to have added up to this moment right now, and it can't be summed up with a glib sermon or the pointed finger of a white man who has only known his comfortable, christian bed, the one he was born in. Having heard from pentacostal and baptist pulpits a religion of isolationism and racism (yes, racism), the one that sends entire countries and cultures to a elected and prescribed hell, I reel inside. It's a shame it wasn't sooner that I saw reality. It's hard to see past one's own ethnocentrism. It is the same ethnocentrism within a self-serving system which reduces homosexuals to comic book characters or shapes them into monsters; I can not and will not sit in another conversation and say nothing when I hear such atrocious sentiments. I can not be divided into two camps of thinking. I must say what is right and stand up honestly for what I know is real. We are all equal in the eyes of God. All. Equal. There are billions of people whose hearts beat and blood flows just like my own. There are women round our world holding their own babies in their arms, feeling the love I feel and aching for it never to end. These people are not doomed to any hell, any more than I am. There are problems which pious prayers will never answer... but love will. The eyes of my heart were jaded once. Now I see, always so imperfectly, but I see how the language of love is the substance which is GOD. Any more than that, I can't say for certain. I've stopped claiming that I know the one truth. I'm human like you.
I've heard people call themselves recovering fundies... and I've thought about that a lot. But, you know me and how much I hate labels. Still, I do feel often that I am recovering from something. Today my brain hurts a little. And it should.
For the newest work, I focused on a darker palette. I am so fond of indigo lately. Especially juxtaposed to colors such as orange, red, magenta and deep ochres. Thinking of how the complexity of the universe includes us in it... that is a deep well from which to drink creativity.
Here is "Then we tilted". Approx 12"x18", watercolor, ink and pastel:
Detail pics and the original thumbnail:
I really enjoyed chipping away at this piece - thinking of the wonder of just existing here, with my family and all the unknown things that spiral around us. Have a great weekend.
Stray. It's been the word to describe a lot of life within our home. Our children are straying from the safety of the known as their curiosity leads them to new places, new discoveries, new behaviors. This is exciting to see as they stretch their limbs and gain confidence. This is frustrating as our three-and-a-half-year-old tries out the reigns of control in literally every area, every waking minute of the day. This kind of straying away from the safety net of his mother's and father's words will grow into confidence and self-awareness of what is kind, unkind, right, wrong, important, less important, etc. The two adults in the house sigh, shrug and do lots of deep breathing. As fierce as the discovery of independence is, so is Jaz' desire to pour out love and and kisses and hugs like a waterfall upon us all. A very thunderous waterfall. Heh.
Stray animals are flocking to our back yard and I am not sure why. A robin with a broken wing was discovered two days ago by the childrens' swingset. I tried to think of the best choice for this hurting creature. Do I bring him inside? Do I call animal control? Do I assist in his death (no, no, no), Do I create a box for him? In the end, I decided he was a wild creature and even in his discomfort, it would be best to allow him the dignity of what he knows in nature. I let him be. It was a beautiful day and our yard provided him with many insects and plump earthworms and warm sunshine in his last hours. Today, my husband discovered two kittens by our shed. Their mother, not far off, came to retrieve one of them, but alas, the other was left behind. We were informed by our neighbor that their is a woman down the road who is a self-designated caretaker of all stray animals. We bundled up the little, white, furry creature and walked to her home. But she was not there. So, today, we are caring for an additional, temporary member of our family.
I stray from what I know artistically, step back and analyze the damage/growth. There have been a lot of failed attempts, and I am prepared to post them today. If you are an aspiring artist like me, maybe it will help you to see someone else in the process and making mistakes. See tagged images below. I've had a lot of feedback and most of it has been very interesting. The direction the art seems to be taking is one of abstraction. The abstract and automatism is taking precedence over the characters. The human elements are many times melting or floating away into the background. If the characters are front and center, then they most likely serve the purpose of drawing the eye toward the abstract, cellular and scrawling lines. These are the pieces that speak the most to me. As always, it will go where it wants to go. It will help me stray away to a different place.
The following is in progress:
Here are the failed pieces:
Thank you to all of you who come by to visit my blog and for the kind and thoughtful comments your leave. It is a joy to talk back and forth with you.
I hope that whatever you are doing today, you have moments of magic and learning and happiness, or maybe even hours, days. Bye, guys.
For those of you following my artwork, you can continue to login to www.cozyhatgirl.com. A new addition to the sight is that you may now sign up. When you do that, I will be able to contact you if I ever have a show or start to offer prints for sale. I don't see that happening for a while... maybe a couple more months or so.
For the last several days, I've been working on some new pieces; one painting, "Familial", was more illustrative in nature, something you might find on the cover of a magazine or for marketing, etc.The other two are well within the genre and themes that are personal to me. These themes usually involve a potion of spirituality, relationships and nature. Here they are:
Today has been most excellent, a day of nestling in with my husband and two little boys. Alex Cuba, an excellent musical artist i found at serenitylife's blog, played on the Itunes and we sipped our morning coffees, which turned into afternoon coffees. Lucas is now pulling himself up to standing at 10 months. Below, you can see him helping himself to some California Cutie oranges. Jas, at 3 1/2, is our perpetual funny man; always sees the funny side of things. I like that so much. Sometimes, I swear my sons are shape shifters. They turn this way, I see my father. They turn that way, I see my husband's smile. They encompass so many familiar expressions... expressions much older than them. Last night, we watched a quirky, yet strangely poignant little film called "Thumbsucker". Tonight, I'm wishing we had a bottle of wine to sip, but perhaps it is just as well to tuck in with my favorite roisbois tea. I'm taking any suggestions on the best roisbois, by the way. I am a tea-hound. Big time. And now, I am off to spend some time with my darling guy. Thank you to all who pop in to see me and check out what's happening around here.
i wish you all a special easter (if you take part in this day) and a wonderful rest of the weekend. i celebrate the love of a man who asked the world to love each other. we are at an appropriate time in america to be thinking deeply about this very thing -- love one another.
as a family, we've immensely enjoyed my husband's return from virginia and have been causing havoc around the house being extremely messy and lazy. i love it. jazz is excited to see warmer days outside and so, we've ventured out each day to walk and bathe in vitamin D. lucas is now fully crawling and pulling himself up to stand at age 10 months. i feel healthy and vital being able to walk every day. i find it very important to be able to connect with nature/outdoors in some way every day.
continuing to work on my skills with watercolor, pastel and ink. here are the latest:
for the fourth time i will attempt to post my revolutions for 2008. it seems i keep writing, then reflect back and find what i've said to be vague or even worse, trite. though that is not at all what i mean to convey. i guess i'm over-thinking my words. so here goes again...
2008:
1. listen to the inner voice that reveals God to me. don't be discouraged by outside forces.
2. along with that, enjoy and focus on the religious liberation discovered at the end of 2007 - there is no church or set of dogmas that can override the true beauty of realizing the creator's love in even the very smallest part of my ever day life.
3. find new ways to convey love to my husband. this is a new chapter of life: married with children. don't forget that we are "we" still.
4. be transparent to my children and open to what we have to teach each other.
5. figure out what i desire to do artistically and follow those paths wherever they may lead: music, painting, drawing, writing, photography, journaling, sculpture. i've gotten away from these areas due to major life changes, becoming a new mom....
6. people are the image of God; find beauty and love in people, not negativity and distrust. always an ongoing work for me.
7. allow this new house to be more of an expression of who we are as a family. it takes a while for me to settle into a new house.
8. get better at snail-mail communication. i renew this resolution every year. alas.
9. continue to investigate the philosophy of existentialism
10. keep off the weight and tighten up!
11. find important ways i can personally be involved in causes which make the world a better place, both locally and globally. make sure these are places where my family can feel just as invested. another reason for this - i want to be sure both children grow up with a big world-view. my husband and i are considering PLAN USA for sponsoring a child. i'm always open to suggestions from you who consider this a part of your family life; i'd love to know what you do. in a couple of years, we hope to be able to travel internationally with the children. i think it's so important to for children to see more than their own back yard if that is an option.
so there they are. already this year, i feel excitement about new things happening. i love new beginnings.
What won't you miss about 2007?
Submitted by uncagedbird.
moving house two times.
closing a business.
my husband being in career-limbo.
death.
living in a house that scared us.
that sharp ache in the left side of my back, last two weeks of pregnancy.
for my husband, i'll say i won't miss being in the hospital for four repeat surgeries on a severed hand tendon that wouldn't heal. poor guy.
however...
you know me. there's always light to find, somewhere.
i will be thankful and full of remembering for the sense of desperate and tenacious love that wove our marriage together and protected us during the storms. i will remember forever how lucas, even unborn, lit the way for us. the hope of a new child is unlike anything else. jazz, a strong rock of a person and a constant gigglebox, instilled in us the importance of being focussed, patient and optimistic about the unknown. this year ended on a smashing note of celebration and success, unlike how it started. you could knock me over with a feather.
i was intrigued by a discussion with one of my wonderful mommy friends. we were talking about what things we like to include in our days to make them meaningful for our children. she referred me to a blog in which a mother includes her "rule of 6". instead of restating it, it can be found at typepad or here. (i do not want to plagiarize, so if you are interested just follow the links.) this has given me wonderful food for thought. while i don't think we should over-plan our days as moms (thus missing the existential point of things), it is important to we not forget to offer up lots of love, creative learning opportunities and beautiful moments to explore with our children.
this is my seven, for now. i don't always get them all in as they are more like goals:
1. love
2. spiritual time to focus on God
3. independent/cooperative playtime
4. art of any medium
5. one of the three R's (reading, writing, arithmetic)
6. getting in touch with nature
7. exercise
i mentioned before that some days are planned and some just organize themselves. and yet again, some days are kind of a wash and i resign myself to allow for more boob-tube than usual. but, conversations like the one with my friend spur me on and rejuvenate. thanks, friend.
lastly, in the same spirit i wrote the last blog, i am inviting you to share your daily goals for your children, or "rules of 6" you might have.
so it goes that tantrum phases are just that. phases. and we are all happy to be on the other side of what has seemed forever, but really has only been about a week or so. for many days now, i have seen the little guy awake with a different look about him and sense he feels closer to me. that's the thing i believe is the hardest for me... when these phases happen, my heart breaks because he seems a million miles away, lost on some rocky sea. and i feel lost for him. search and rescue is a perfect analogy for what transpires in the hours of hard work, long talks, time-outs. i try to find him and pull him back into me. back where the boundaries are real and safe and where he can feel at ease once more. maybe he is a bit like both my husband and me. why wouldn't he be? he is stubborn. and it takes a while for him to work something out of his craw. the phases will come again, but this is the time to take pride in jaz' newfound sense of accomplishment: he told me yesterday, "i like to make good choices". yeah. the kiddo is onto something there. and not because of some silly sticker, or the threat of a negative consequence or the promise that there will be a pile of MM's for a reward, but simply because it feels wonderful and good to do the right thing. i am thrilled to see the bud of more intrinsic values in my 2 1/2 year old, though i thought he would have to be older to start getting these things.
then there is lucas. i haven't any way of knowing yet what strong characteristics mark his personality. at almost 7 weeks, i am just getting to know him. every day i lay alongside him and stare into his tranquil eyes. i'm only just beginning to understand the mystery. the feeling of love growing between us is almost tangible. he laughs, he mimics me when i say "hi". he grabs at me frantically when he is angry about being on his back. he cries real tears. he literally sighs as he nestles into me. and he watches. he watches me and this catches me off guard. his gaze is intense and deep. i think he must know everything i am thinking. i get the feeling he can really read me and has my number down. oh dear, i'm in for it now.
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