20 posts tagged “life”
We have, you know. And here we are now, all of us, in this space of time looking at each other through words on a screen, or in person when we hug, or passing others through the windows of our cars which are only illusory windows. Because we have always been and still are a part of each other... and we always will.
"We have always been", 9" x 14 1/2", watercolor with ink and pastel.
I've been in a whirlwind of activity the last two weeks. Things are not slowing down! It's an exciting time of life as my two little boys literally buzz around my feet, creating an imaginary world that didn't exist before they were here. Becoming a mother has these magical moments that can make you cry just because it is so sweet. Amidst it all there is is cooking, art, laundry, piano, toys everyyyyyyyywhere and as ever, dancing in the kitchen. This is a very happy chaos. I am happy to stay here, right here in these moments.
Painting is like "write what you know", the advice your professor gave you in college. That is what makes painting so wonderful, that it is not at all seperate from life. Like good cooking or sewing or the many other creative things we all do, it all comes from the heart and the spectrum of emotion this life brings.
I want to say a public thank you to Drawn, for featuring my artwork today:
Within the same pages of Drawn, you will find an incredible talent, Samuel Ribeyron, who resides in France, creating with his paintings what I can only describe as a world I would love to inhabit. Treat yourself and take a peek at his latest works. Delightful!
Open the door to my make-shift studio, don't trip over the toys... here's what I'm working on:
New painting, "Stay", watercolor with ink and pastel, 9 7/8" x 14 1/2".
And other stuff....
And one more thing...
Have a wonderful day and enjoy the ones you love.
"Amidst". Watercolor, ink and pastel, approx. 12"x18":
The thought behind this painting is partly from the last post. We gather up what we remember from our pasts and there our minds wander, watching ourselves second-hand. We live in the present, in this experience right now. So alien, so familiar... all at the same time.
If only I could go back and pick up all the fallen puzzle pieces of me that have slipped out of a hole in my pocket into the gutter or along a forest hike or mid-way through an argument or around the corner from a gilato shop in Italy or on the boardwalk in San Diego or behind a pile of Legos or under the floor mat in a beat up, red Ford Fiesta with rebar instead of a stick shift or inside an old purse that still smells of amber and cinnamon... well, if I could find all those pieces, those thoughts, those experiences, those late night conversations and bits of me and put them together right now, I think I might have it made. But as it is, it doesn't seem my life will let me do that. I forget the nuances in the experiences as I move to the next one. This is how it is to age. Instead, I recall bits of my past life at the darndest times. Sometimes everything comes back in a flood and it overwhelms me with a sense that I have tripped into some magical state.
My subconscious assures me it won't let go of anything, but it is the waking life that yearns to recall everything on a whim.The following are little pieces of a larger painting which I decided I could not let go entirely to the dumpster. More puzzle pieces, if you will. Instead, they will become studies for other works:
Have a wonderful day, whatever you do.
"Ever been", 18"x24", watercolor, ink and and pastel.
These are detail pics:
This piece is by far the most complex work I've attempted. Translating smaller sketches to a larger format is what I am learning. I tend to think in micro images, so it is exciting to stretch my mind and hand. I also need to do larger sketches! I hope not to lose the detail and intimacy in the process.
From life at large in our home:
Today's plans, loosely, maybe...
finish the papier mache fish who "blows away all the bad stuff with his pointy mouth" - a magic fish, lots and lots of laundry, story-reading, plant some herb seeds which my mother sent to us, thrift-shopping (old habits die hard) and chocolate. oh, and tea. and wine tonight with the hubby. I hope the bats start to fly in the evening soon because Jaz keeps hearing about them. Also, would love to crack a book, but, where is all my time? You tell me. I've been reading snippets of art history, a magazine article or two, but nothing more substantial or long-term.
Lastly, my husband and I watched a brilliant film based on Jon Krakauer's bestselling nonfiction book about the life of Chris McCandless, a 24-year college graduate who loses himself in the wilds of Alaska. He disavows the life he had in an upper class family because he views it as shallow and destructive. Cutting himself off from society, he searches for a purer, minimalistic existence based on his fervent existential beliefs. This is a beautiful, tragic and thought-provoking film directed by Sean Penn, starring Emile Hirsch.
Stray. It's been the word to describe a lot of life within our home. Our children are straying from the safety of the known as their curiosity leads them to new places, new discoveries, new behaviors. This is exciting to see as they stretch their limbs and gain confidence. This is frustrating as our three-and-a-half-year-old tries out the reigns of control in literally every area, every waking minute of the day. This kind of straying away from the safety net of his mother's and father's words will grow into confidence and self-awareness of what is kind, unkind, right, wrong, important, less important, etc. The two adults in the house sigh, shrug and do lots of deep breathing. As fierce as the discovery of independence is, so is Jaz' desire to pour out love and and kisses and hugs like a waterfall upon us all. A very thunderous waterfall. Heh.
Stray animals are flocking to our back yard and I am not sure why. A robin with a broken wing was discovered two days ago by the childrens' swingset. I tried to think of the best choice for this hurting creature. Do I bring him inside? Do I call animal control? Do I assist in his death (no, no, no), Do I create a box for him? In the end, I decided he was a wild creature and even in his discomfort, it would be best to allow him the dignity of what he knows in nature. I let him be. It was a beautiful day and our yard provided him with many insects and plump earthworms and warm sunshine in his last hours. Today, my husband discovered two kittens by our shed. Their mother, not far off, came to retrieve one of them, but alas, the other was left behind. We were informed by our neighbor that their is a woman down the road who is a self-designated caretaker of all stray animals. We bundled up the little, white, furry creature and walked to her home. But she was not there. So, today, we are caring for an additional, temporary member of our family.
I stray from what I know artistically, step back and analyze the damage/growth. There have been a lot of failed attempts, and I am prepared to post them today. If you are an aspiring artist like me, maybe it will help you to see someone else in the process and making mistakes. See tagged images below. I've had a lot of feedback and most of it has been very interesting. The direction the art seems to be taking is one of abstraction. The abstract and automatism is taking precedence over the characters. The human elements are many times melting or floating away into the background. If the characters are front and center, then they most likely serve the purpose of drawing the eye toward the abstract, cellular and scrawling lines. These are the pieces that speak the most to me. As always, it will go where it wants to go. It will help me stray away to a different place.
The following is in progress:
Here are the failed pieces:
Thank you to all of you who come by to visit my blog and for the kind and thoughtful comments your leave. It is a joy to talk back and forth with you.
I hope that whatever you are doing today, you have moments of magic and learning and happiness, or maybe even hours, days. Bye, guys.
In so many ways, life can be a fumbling around kind of thing. I think it is this way most of the time. More specifically, every facet of life is about learning and here I am in the crux of it - parenting, marriage, personal growth, spirituality, body starting to show signs of age - and in my later thirties, not feeling any closer to the answers. In fact, I think that there really aren't many answers and that in and of itself is a strangely comforting finality. There was a spiritual road I took for most of my life which asserted there were lots of answers and lots of truths and lots of things I should be and wasn't yet. I bailed out of that, realizing there could only be just a few truths, if there were going to be any at all and I certainly would never be even close to attaining its kind of ideals. And I didn't want to anymore. It was hard to realize and admit that the system was a closed one. It was a system which created its own problems that could only be solved by its own answers. One day I realized I quite stood outside of that system. I awoke and didn't feel so bad anymore. God loved me.
Tonight, I stood in my shoebox-sized studio and looked around. I saw many paintings which had failed my ideals. I started to feel very overwhelmed and the thought occurred to me that I might be attempting silly things. Perhaps my ventures might be for another time or maybe not at all. But something clicked, or rather, snapped. I smiled and realized I am attempting to learn a lot of things. I am learning. I am learning to work with three mediums - watercolor, pastel and ink - all at the same time. I am learning to be myself at the same time that I am a wife, mother. This is something that women, that I, don't alway care enough about and I have sometimes told myself to martyr who I am and put my independence away for later. That notion doesn't feel right and deep inside I know how important it is to be a full human, to eek out the bits of time to do this. Tonight, I pushed away some old ghosts of a spiritual past and it felt good to rethink the failures and understand what they really are - precious moments of existence.
note: immaculate housekeeping is overrated.
Here is "Undulate", my first painting on much larger watercolor paper, 18"X 24" :
Why am I happy? Hmm, I wonder...
This weekend and first part of this week have been full of extra-good little treats as well.
Music, a great new album recommendation by my hubby. Listening to it non-stop:
Food:
Movie:
Goodnight, all.
what are we inherently? good... evil...
i would like to say good. but science rules me out. we are...
human. entirely and utterly human down to the smallest part. every single cell. but before i am categorized as an atheist (which is tempting at times), i think science and spirit spiral together, forming a curious web which is the stuff of humans. for now, that is where this rabbit trail ends.
here are two latest works in progress.
and here is "Fire", now complete. for now, i think it is my favorite. but, i reserve the right to... oh, never mind.
a fond thank you goes out to those of you who continue to follow my progression of learning and creativity. all of your comments are extremely generous and kind.
the depths of our own human spirits are such a mystery... so it puzzles me greater to watch two other humans, fresh on the scene. i ponder, keep quiet, listen to people describe what childhood is, or what their children are. same thing occurs to me every time, "yes, but do you really know? do you even know yourself fully?" the answer is obvious to me, but maybe i'm strange. i could say i really know myself, but time and again i've proven myself wrong because life is always full of new information and changes and epiphany and hardships, and all that makes up this path i can't predict. and how i react each time might call for something different. now, here are my children before me. they are so vibrantly alive in their sensations, how they meet the world. they are doe-eyed, sweet, confused, bumbling, silly, full of young ferocity... what emerges in me is a sense that it is all new all the time for all of us, young or old. someone could counter that notion, i'm sure. but i would have to respond, or maybe just think to myself, are you really listening to your world, the one inside of you and the one outside?