12 posts tagged “family”

I've been in a whirlwind of activity the last two weeks. Things are not slowing down! It's an exciting time of life as my two little boys literally buzz around my feet, creating an imaginary world that didn't exist before they were here. Becoming a mother has these magical moments that can make you cry just because it is so sweet. Amidst it all there is is cooking, art, laundry, piano, toys everyyyyyyyywhere and as ever, dancing in the kitchen. This is a very happy chaos. I am happy to stay here, right here in these moments.

Painting is like "write what you know", the advice your professor gave you in college. That is what makes painting so wonderful, that it is not at all seperate from life. Like good cooking or sewing or the many other creative things we all do, it all comes from the heart and the spectrum of emotion this life brings.

I want to say a public thank you to Drawn, for featuring my artwork today:

 

Within the same pages of Drawn, you will find an incredible talent,  Samuel Ribeyron, who resides in France, creating with his paintings what I can only describe as a world I would love to inhabit. Treat yourself and take a peek at his latest works. Delightful!

 

Open the door to my make-shift studio, don't trip over the toys... here's what I'm working on:

New painting, "Stay", watercolor with ink and pastel, 9 7/8" x 14 1/2".

 

 

 

And other stuff....

 

And one more thing...

Have a wonderful day and enjoy the ones you love.

For the newest work, I focused on a darker palette. I am so fond of indigo lately. Especially juxtaposed to colors such as orange, red, magenta and deep ochres. Thinking of how the complexity of the universe includes us in it... that is a deep well from which to drink creativity.

Here is "Then we tilted". Approx 12"x18", watercolor, ink and pastel:

Detail pics and the original thumbnail:

I really enjoyed chipping away at this piece - thinking of the wonder of just existing here, with my family and all the unknown things that spiral around us. Have a great weekend.

For those of you following my artwork, you can continue to login to www.cozyhatgirl.com. A new addition to the sight is that you may now sign up. When you do that, I will be able to contact you if I ever have a show or start to offer prints for sale. I don't see that happening for a while... maybe a couple more months or so.

For the last several days, I've been working on some new pieces; one painting, "Familial", was more illustrative in nature, something you might find on the cover of a magazine or for marketing, etc.The other two are well within the genre and themes that are personal to me. These themes usually involve a potion of spirituality, relationships and nature. Here they are:

Today has been most excellent, a day of nestling in with my husband and two little boys. Alex Cuba, an excellent musical artist i found at serenitylife's blog, played on the Itunes and we sipped our morning coffees, which turned into afternoon coffees. Lucas is now pulling himself up to standing at 10 months. Below, you can see him helping himself to some California Cutie oranges. Jas, at 3 1/2, is our perpetual funny man; always sees the funny side of things. I like that so much. Sometimes, I swear my sons are shape shifters. They turn this way, I see my father. They turn that way, I see my husband's smile. They encompass so many familiar expressions... expressions much older than them. Last night, we watched a quirky, yet strangely poignant little film called "Thumbsucker". Tonight, I'm wishing we had a bottle of wine to sip, but perhaps it is just as well to tuck in with my favorite roisbois tea. I'm taking any suggestions on the best roisbois, by the way. I am a tea-hound. Big time. And now, I am off to spend some time with my darling guy. Thank you to all who pop in to see me and check out what's happening around here.

what happens if i do this?

it seems my small family has adopted this mind frame lately. exploring new creativity, asking ourselves to delve further. the children are discovering where the edges are and where is the middleground. tweaking life as we go. experiments with thoughts and ideas, creativity... and doing this all simultaneously in our own way. i caught lucas looking at his own hands today, then moving them together and apart, curling his fingers inward. the expression was, well, one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. utter disbelief/fascination. jaz continues to ask the questions and make statements i would think fitting of a great philosopher:  god is everywhere, mama. he is very, very big. and he is inside of me. he is very, very small too.

we are practicing the "spaghetti experiment" as my husband calls it; throw ideas against a wall and see what sticks.

 

today, i finished a small painting. the outcome was not completely satisfying because the balance was way off-kilter, however there were small elements within the picture i loved. and so it will go that in my next painting i will take those small elements and try them again and see what they do. down another path.

i see many of my friends at a similar place in life. trying new things in life, but moving in a direction that is sometimes almost oppositional to how they were raised. experimenting with new careers. taking big risks and staying true to their hearts. asking larger questions. maybe i've just never noticed it before now.

no one can tell me there is a pat answer for how my life must be lived or why. yet, i've listened for so many years in the past to all of those voices, thinking, though their ideas didn't seem right, maybe they know better than me. but they don't. we each have a voice of our own and we know what it sounds like. it is a very private philosophical and spiritual matter. for me at least. when i stray from this, i get so confused. luckily, i only need to watch my children and then i feel home again within myself.

for the fourth time i will attempt to post my revolutions for 2008. it seems i keep writing, then reflect back and find what i've said to be vague or even worse, trite. though that is not at all what i mean to convey. i guess i'm over-thinking my words. so here goes again...

2008:
1. listen to the inner voice that reveals God to me.  don't be discouraged by outside forces.
2. along with that, enjoy and focus on the religious liberation discovered at the end of 2007 - there is no church or set of dogmas that can override the true beauty of realizing the creator's love in even the very smallest part of my ever day life.
3. find new ways to convey love to my husband. this is a new chapter of life: married with children. don't forget that we are "we" still.
4. be transparent to my children and open to what we have to teach each other. 
5. figure out what i desire to do artistically and follow those paths wherever they may lead: music, painting, drawing, writing, photography, journaling, sculpture. i've gotten away from these areas due to major life changes, becoming a new mom....
6. people are the image of God; find beauty and love in people, not negativity and distrust. always an ongoing work for me.
7. allow this new house to be more of an expression of who we are as a family. it takes a while for me to settle into a new house.
8. get better at snail-mail communication. i renew this resolution every year. alas.
9. continue to investigate the philosophy of existentialism
10. keep off the weight and tighten up!
11. find important ways i can personally be involved in causes which make the world a better place, both locally and globally. make sure these are places where my family can feel just as invested. another reason for this - i want to be sure both children grow up with a big world-view. my husband and i are considering PLAN USA for sponsoring a child. i'm always open to suggestions from you who consider this a part of your family life; i'd love to know what you do. in a couple of years, we hope to be able to travel internationally with the children. i think it's so important to for children to see more than their own back yard if that is an option.

so there they are. already this year, i feel excitement about new things happening. i love new beginnings.

because i am so secretive and because i have this whole "don't air dirty laundry in public" thing, i'll just say, i am, just today, in these moments, feeling so very stressed out. it's most likely a lot of pent up junk. and me putting too much pressure on myself.

sometimes i want to take my little family and live on a deserted tropical island and eat mangos, fishcakes and nuts, dance on the beach and tell stories around a bonfire. other times, i feel ridiculously alienated from the world because we live in a small town without family immediately around us. today, i am suffering a lack of thankfulness for what i have, i am sure of it. i feel off-center.

today will end and tomorrow i will wake up feeling more gelled about stuff.

we're over our colds, mostly. just a few niggling coughs and sneezes left over. now that we can venture outdoors, it's decided to snow. we've donned our snow-boots, mittens, scarves and all the rest that is repeated like a mantra before going out. jazz-man and papa picked out the fluffiest tree i think i've ever seen. it's just so fat! last night we trimmed it, or should i say, jazz did most of the honors, hence it is rather lopsidedly decorated on one side. i came close to "evening it out" last night after the kids had gone to bed, but i stopped myself, smiling. it's perfectly imperfect.

lucas has an incredible set of six-month pipes; when we watch the lawrence welk show every week, he sings along. it's quite loud. he distends the notes like a miniature opera singer. he is also fond of singing along to mr. roger's songs when i play/sing them at the piano.

i'm getting started on the christmas baking. as i pull out my grandmother's cookbooks, i get teary. it is the anniversary of her passing in a couple of weeks. last year was wrought with a great deal of change and family hardships. this year is astoundingly different. as i stood at the window last night, gazing into a pink, snowy sky, my husband wrapped his arms around me. "it's not like last year," he said, reading my mind. no, it's not, i thought. this time around the smiles come from a very happy place and there is a mostly slow and peaceful pace to how these days unravel themselves. i could get used to this.

here we are. not in person, but almost:

i'm here picking up bits of sequin, crayon wrapper and construction paper. toddler-made turkeys are dancing across the wall. i once was a strict vegetarian, but here i am, with kids, looking forward to baking my first turkey after fourteen years of marriage. people have given me some interesting advice like brine the turkey (?)....  i'm hoping for a positive taste-experience for my family. it's only going to be us four, but i kind of like the change of pace and the chance to try my hand at a full-fledged feast. ok, a little feast. back to the vegetarian thing - i stopped with the veggie diet when i couldn't have lactose and eggs while preggers, then nursing. hence, a vegetarian lass was faced with either a) becoming a vegan or b) eating things with faces. veganism is akin, in my mind, to food penance. plus, i was wanting to consume the right foods while pregnant, so i made the meat choice. and i love turkey. and stuffing and all that other stuff that gets mooshed together on a butterhorn roll. i am a sucker for the holidays. the eating part of it, and the family part too. but, you already know that if you've been hanging around my neighborhood a while.

about thankfulfness:  i am very thankful for my husband and two children who accompany me through this wonderful life. it could be so much different were i (or my children) simply to be born in a different bed in difficult circumstances. i know that. i am thankful for God's wisdom in my daily life; without it i'd be left making not-the-best choices (which i still do plenty of when i don't listen). i'm thankful for people who strive alongside us as we inspire each other to be good people; they are the same ones who pick us up in harder times, when we aren't sure of how to be or know where we are going. i'm thankful for the basic things like food to eat, shelter and health. in our existence, these basic are more than adequate. i'm thankful for the ability to write my thoughts out here at Vox and have a warm community of people who care and contribute their thoughts. it's a comfort and a fun experience.

i'm gonna continue being a sucker for the holidays because it makes me happy. now, having kids involved in the  merry-making too makes it all come together, full circle.

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today on the way home from target and mcD's (American life), i took a round-about way thinking my toddler would have a little more munching time. me - i'd already scarfed my meal, three minutes flat. we were talking about firemen and a birthday party from the previous evening. suddenly, a beautiful mountain bluebird flew out in front of my subaru. one instant i was thinking that the bird had an odd flying pattern, next moment, he zagged downward toward the car. and i hit him/her. that was all there was. my heart jolted. "oh, no! the bluebird - " was all i got out, and then went quiet. didn't want Jazz to understand what had happened. perhaps i should have explained it all. but i thought differently at the time. instead, i babbled back responses to odd toddler questions - "yeah, that was some fireman alright. yep. uh-huh." inside i was thinking that this little bird had mattered in the scope of things. he had a nest somewhere, probably still warm from his little body. a childhood bible verse came to mind. i am so sorry.

this weeked we lollygagged around the house and that's pretty much it. but as the weekend progressed, i realized two things:  i am very blessed to have my family, alive and whole and happy. selfishly, i realized that i sometimes grow weary of our small town and want for the closeness of family. but there you are. i can't have everything, now, can i?

we've been electing one bible verse every week or so for our family to fix upon. all of us. not just the children. it goes on the fridge and there it stays. i think this has been centering. there's lots to be said about contemplating on things that make us better humans and remind us of God's love.

i know it's a silly word. hum-dee-dums. i prefer my made-up word to "ho-hums". yesterday we celebrated jazz turning three years old. we had a house-full for his party. surprisingly, it was a bit of work to get everything together and rolling. surprisingly, i was surprised at this fact. that's because of my five-month-old perpetually hanging from my hip and my lack of brain cells post-births. life with babies = expect murphey's law (irony). the one thing that got done, because it was baked at 11pm the previous night, was the cake. i guess i figured, no matter what may transpire, no matter if baby's schedule gets wiggy, even if birthday-boy gets the flu on his birthday....let them eat cake.

the guests showed up, and 15 people later, my little living room looked a bit like the floor of the new york stock exchange. i got nervous. these were all family members, and there i was feeling unsure and second-guessing how to get the ball rolling. good grief, i used to juggle 31 sixth graders every day when i was a public school teacher, and yet, somehow, i am caught off guard? i think what got me a bit psyched out was having so many sides of the family together: blood-kin, in-laws, step-parents... it's like getting your old high school buddies together for a BBQ with your working colleagues and crazy next-door neighbors who have those odd-looking plants growing in their basment. who knows what may transpire. but, that was me just having a little freak-out moment or two. i staved off hyperventilating by turning in circles in the kitchen, counting the forks to see if there were enough. i'm kidding. sort of.

so, we did it. another successful and fun little-big party for my big boy. and he is so big to me, especially when i look at my youngest.

today, our house is cluttered with toys. and i mean, LOTS of toys. i feel a little emotional because all the guests are gone and traveling back to their ends of the state or other states, back to their normal lives. i have an eency-weency headache from not enough coffee. the crepe paper and wrapping paper has been taken out to the dumpster. 1/8 of jazz-man's pretty cake sits on the counter, luring me and my spoon to take nibbles of butter icing. jazz has been bouncing from one toy to the next. there's a bit of popped balloon laying on the piano bench. i feel sorta bluesy, sort of quiet, sort of happy it's all over, but wondering when i can do it all again.